Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
