I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
