i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
