I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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