Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
