dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
