Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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