i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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