Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
