Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
