I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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