My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
