Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
