You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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