so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
