did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
