Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
