If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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