We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
