a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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