I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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