that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
