You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
