I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize