i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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