He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is my gift to your gina
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
