just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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