Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
