I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
