can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
