You're my little dorito
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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