Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
