I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A+ Viking dick
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
