I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
