every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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