At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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