i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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