Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
