I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
its not stalking. its research.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize