I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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