I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's never too late to be topless.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
