Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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