I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
