I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
