He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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