happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize