Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Houston, we have a blender
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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