Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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