So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
