When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
