Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
