You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
