somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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