put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i've created a new STD.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
