It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
