okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
