Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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