I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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