thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
