I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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