Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
