I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
