Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
