he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
