found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
