I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
