pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
