He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
